How to Stop Letting Other People Control How You Feel

Hi Guys, today’s post is all about how to not let other people control how you feel. This can happen when we allow external events or people affect how we feel or impact on our day negatively.

When really this is a recipe for disaster, as we are allowing other people control how we feel from day to day, even thou we have no control over what other people are going to say or do. We should be the ones in control over how we feel not others.

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How To Begin

To stop letting things or other people bother us, we have to change the way we think about it. Below I  have listed some questions to help you get into a more flexible and balanced mind frame if this happens.  For example if someone makes you angry or upset, you have to ask yourself:

1: Did they mean to make me angry or upset?

2: Does it really have anything to do with me or is it their own issue? (are they the ones with the problem not you, are they just taking it out on you)

3: Does this person’s opinion reflect everyone else’s opinion?

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The best thing you can do is to realise that you cannot control other people.  They are going to do or say anything they want, you can’t force them to do anything else.  The only person you can control is YOU.

YOU get to decide how much you’re going to let this person’s behaviour impact you, sometimes we forget that we do have that control. You’re worrying, obsessing, giving out, etc, has zero impact on them and only hurts you.

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So, the next time someone does or says something to upset you, Ask yourself, how much are you going to allow this persons behaviour to bother or impact negatively on your day?

Remember, you have the control over how much you are going to let it impact on you/your day.

To help you be able to let things go and to not allow people to control how you feel, Below I have listed some techniques that you can do.

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1: Thought Stopping Technique

Imagine a door.

Visualise the wall around the door, including any light switches, pictures etc on the wall.

Once a thought or a situation you don’t want enters your mind, imagine putting it behind the door and slamming the door on it.

Really try and imagine the scene and hear the door slam.

This will need to be done a few times to make the thought go away! By doing this technique a few times you eventually train your mind to not think the thought at all.

You must think and believe that this IS going to work, as if there is any doubt the negative thoughts will make their way back into your head.

Use this for any thought or situation you do not want in your head at any time and any place.

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2: Process for Detachment

REMEMBER, you have the control to stop whatever it is you are thinking, don’t be afraid to take it!

To begin, ask yourself these following questions:

1: What has just happened?

2: What impact does it have on me?

3: How is it going to affect my mood and behaviours?

4: Is it my responsibility, or can I hand it back? (Do you hold all of the responsibility for it, or is it the other persons problem)

5: Am I able to control what other people will say or do?

6: Make the decision to keep or hand back (remove it from your head)

Remember if you make the decision to keep it, you are allowing other people to have control over how you feel. But if you make the decision to let it go and not allow it to ruin your day and control your mood, you are taking your locus of control back.

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3: Write Down How You Are Feeling

Writing down how you are feeling is a great way to acknowledge and release your emotions, which avoids you suppressing them. Write down how your feeling, why your feeling this way etc. Then, when you are finished, do NOT re-read it, rip it up and throw it away.

Or, if someone has really bothered you and you are trying not to let them affect how you feel. Write down their names and what they did or said to you (or just their names, whichever you prefer), and rip it up or burn it in the fire. This is a great way to release what they did out of you, so that you can move on from it.

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Niamh-Psychotherapist xx 



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